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In our ongoing commitment to bringing readers only the most important regional news, the Greenbriar Examiner is delighted to reveal exclusive reports that a local eighteen-year-old held a birthday party last Saturday night.
To those doubting the newsworthiness of this report, perhaps the following information might clarify the matter: the teen holding the party in question is black. Does that make his party worthy of attention? A local neighbor certainly felt that this was the case when she made a call to the police on the night of the party, to report that she had seen “suspicious young men” sitting on her wall.
Upon arriving at the scene, police ascertained that the “suspicious” behavior of the teens involved eating pizza, playing loud music, and having a heated debate about video games. No criminal activity was found to be taking place, and the officers left without incident, much to the relief of the partiers.
This kind of thinking isn’t new, but the more optimistic among us might take heart in noting that the ongoing media attention has at least opened up a conversation about the issue. We can only hope that it might encourage people to think twice before they reach for their phone and waste police time.
I, for one, am certainly hoping that nobody feels the need to report on a ‘newsworthy’ nineteenth birthday party next year.